Tinnitus

»I didn't realize that my Posts were a calling out for attention...I didn't mean for them to be. I just came to this board to find out what this Tinnitus is and what can be done about it...along the way I thought well I can write and Post also...join in. I first thought when I got this that it was just a temporary thing...I kept asking a friend why the Doctor would not prescribe an antibiotic to clear up my noise. I had no idea this could happen and does happen to people and as the months went by it became apparent that it wasn't going away. But it isn't normal to live with a ringing and unbearable noise ALL the time..we all know that. The months with this and you realize that you live and learn....and that noise is like smoking..it is cumulative. I realize life was never meant to be a bed of roses....far from it. I have become a Joke on here and I guess the whole damn life was one big joke...and I am not feeling sorry for myself when I say that...just no other person or relative I know has this. I have compassion for other people Don...I don't want anyone to suffer....I think some people on here know how I have supported them not by public posts but in other ways. Who doesn't feel a sense of sadness and hurt when this happens...like anything else. I would like to be strong enough to run outside and say I'm back to normal...I wish...I could. But this is a deal that is tough to handle...especially when I was hoping for a tad of happiness and thought I may have found a little...then this. I know this is about me again ....but I feel bad for everyone on here....and more so for the younger guys...and Yes they do handle it better than me. I guess my Low self-esteem started a long time ago...I just didn't realize it. I read Mick's posts and he deals with more issues than I...and for that I feel bad. Maybe I let people run all over me in life and this is partly why I find myself in this position today...I was friendly to people and when I saw that maybe they didn't care or want me as a part of there life or spend time I couldn't figure it out. I would bend over backward for people and just withdrew when I saw that the feelings were not mutual. I was funny...easy going and down to earth...albeit I was shy and reserved until I got to know someone. Maybe I should have been callous and shown no compassion for people and just in fact didn't care what my actions would have on people...LIKE I THINK YOU ARE DON. No matter what any posts on here...i'm not going to berate them for there struggles....I guess I came to the wrong place...cause I do struggle and yes I get support but often now it is just a pile on. Life can be difficult when you feel as though you have no where to turn and lie in bed and think...IS THIS MY ONLY WAY OUT? Which I do alot....I and no one on here wanted to have Tinnitus....and with the research and coping strategies for this thing..it can make one despondent. The only reason I contribute to the ATA is not for a cure or really research purpose....like my Mom has said WHAT HAVE THEY DONE FOR YOU?...Well it is about educating youngsters about the dangers of loud noise...and if I can save one person from going through this nightmare then it is worth it...if they would only spread the word...I hope my money makes a difference. Whoever gave you the impression my Tinnitus is mild...moderate I don't know...it makes me anxious...depressed all the time ...and wishing it would be over....and I have not relaxed since day one....and lie in bed and toss and turn ....does that make me a mild case?...God knows what a severe case would be. Anyway....it has become a mute point anyway...I was so despondent yesterday that I came to the board and posted this....I AM not lazy....I just don't know how people make it through the day and not become emotional with this....I walked around the park the other day and thought like always...why didn't I enjoy this Park years ago ...why did I spend time listening to crap locked in my car or bedroom...now wherever I go my Tinnitus goes with me....I have many regrets...like doing foolish things with my hearing instead of enjoying the ducks..seagulls...etc....like I saw the other day. My dad says why would you want to end your life with All this...he can't comprehend and I guess some of us on here can't either. I read in your post where you had thoughts at one time also...Don....did I respond by saying «quit feeling sorry for yourself»....get a life...No....I guess this board is tired of me...I don't post as much because I know the responses will be negative. I asked a question about the other day concerning a issue....if anyone knew about it...it got no responses....but when I post saying I am struggling...don't know where to turn then I get a ton..most telling me how sad a case I am or how pitiful I am....I just struggle with this. I have tried various things....that I don't talk about...mainly because they have not done me much good. Sadly...I think it is time to just move away from this board...this was my only outlet....yes it has become a pathetic and pitiful life....I didn't plan it this way. But I guess it was all along.....I was just fooling myself. I wasted it....and continue to so.«

(M-man, T-sup board)