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############################################################################## # # # ddate - Discordian date # Version FIVE # # This program takes no arguments. It doesn't take shit from _anyone_. # # It returns today's date in the Discordian calendar format. It also # tells you if today is a Holyday. # # This program is written in perl to maximize the amount of chaos in # the implementation. Kallisti (K) 1993, Screaming Lizard Propulsion # Systems. All rights reversed. Mess with this program. Call it your # own. Hail Eris. -><- # # Hugs and Kisses, # Reverend I. C. Puckett, Durham Discordian Glee Club # Prince of the Southern Provinces # # ############################################################################## # Set the century. If you don't know what the current century is, # ask your system administrator. $century = 2000; # Say, how 'bout them month things? @days_in_the_months = (31, 28, 31, 30, 31, 30, 31, 31, 30, 31, 30, 31); # Use the groovy perl time interface. ($sec,$min,$hour,$mday,$mon,$year,$wday,$yday,$isdst) = localtime; # Fix the screwed up results from the groovy perl time interface. $mon++; $year += $century; # And convert to Discordian calendar. @greyface_date = ($mday, $mon, $year); @discordian_date = do convert_date(@greyface_date); # Print the result. do print_discordian_date(@discordian_date); # To run a self-test of all the days in the year, set this bad boy # true. if (4==5) { print »\nTesting...\n«; for ($month = 1; $month <= 12; $month++) { for ($day = 1; $day <= @days_in_the_months[$month-1]; $day++) { do print_discordian_date(do convert_date(($day,$month,1992))); # Test St. Tib's day if (($day == 28) && ($month == 2)) { do print_discordian_date(do convert_date((29,2,1992))); } } } } sub convert_date { local($gday, $gmon, $gyear) = @_; local($dweekday, $dday, $dseason, $dyear) = (-5, -5, -5, -5); local($fnord); # Figure out the correct year. Easy peasy. $dyear = $gyear + 1166; # Now what day of the year is this? local($day_of_year) = $gday; for (1 .. ($gmon - 1)) { $day_of_year += @days_in_the_months[$_ - 1]; } ###### print »Day of year: $day_of_year\n«; # What season is it? Seasons are seventy-three days long. There # are _five_ seasons in a year. Seven minus three is four, which is # two squared. Take one of those twos, and add it to the three: # you get _five_. Take the other two, subtract it from the seven: # you get _five_. $dseason = int(($day_of_year-1) / 73) + 1; if (($gmon == 2) && ($gday == 29)) { # Happy St. Tib's day! Time for Jello (tm). $dweekday = 0; $dday = 0; } else { # St. Tib will have to wait. $dweekday = (($day_of_year - 1) % 5) + 1; $dday = (($day_of_year - 1) % 73) + 1; } return ($dweekday, $dday, $dseason, $dyear); } sub print_discordian_date { local ($dweekday, $dday, $dseason, $dyear); $dweekday = ( »Saint Tib's Day«, »Sweetmorn«, »Boomtime«, »Pungenday«, »Prickle-Prickle«, »Setting Orange«, )[@_[0]]; if (@_[1] == 0) { $dday = »between 59 and 60«; } else { $dday = @_[1]; } $dseason = ( »Chaos«, »Discord«, »Confusion«, »Bureaucracy«, »The Aftermath«, )[@_[2] - 1]; $dyear = @_[3]; print »Today is $dweekday, day $dday in the season of $dseason, $dyear.\n«; ###### print »\t@_[0]\t@_[1]\t@_[2]\t@_[3]\n«; # Handle the Apostle Holydays. Rejoice rejoice. Whee. if ($dday == 5)# is today a holy day? huh? { local($aholyday)=( »Mungday«, »Mojoday«, »Syaday«, »Zaraday«, »Maladay«, )[@_[2] - 1]; print »It is the sacred Apostle Holyday of $aholyday.\n«; } # Handle the Season Holydays. The crowd goes wild. Who celebrates # these things anyway? if ($dday == 50)# is today a holy day? huh? { local($sholyday)=( »Chaoflux«, »Discoflux«, »Confuflux«, »Bureflux«, »Afflux«, )[@_[2] - 1]; print »It is the sacred Season Holyday of $sholyday.\n«; } } ############################################################################### # YOU MAY NOW SAFELY DESTROY YOUR COMPUTER # ###############################################################################
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